Less Can Be More

So I started grad school this week – I am working towards getting my M.A in Digital Communication. I’m super excited about it, especially since I’ve been feeling pretty isolated lately since I only work from home now.

Don’t get me wrong, I do really enjoy working from home since it gives me way more flexibility for everything else, but sometimes it can be difficult with my anxiety feeling really lonely, even with my super cuddly puppy.

My program is in person, in the classroom. I wanted to be sure I found one in person since I’ve been missing some human interaction during the day. It works out well since the classes are at night so I can still work my full work day.

However, it is starting to stress me out too. I am happy I get to meet new people and do new things, but now I am also stressing out that now I have to try and fit in taking my dance classes that I love, work out classes, seeing friends, and seeing my boyfriend.

But guess what? I can’t do it all anymore.

Trying to fit everything in is just making me upset because I simply don’t have the time to do it if I want to do well in school, which of course I do.

What I can do though is start prioritizing and fitting in what I can. Maybe one day when I have class I can only fit in a run during the day. Another day when I don’t have class I can only fit in a dance class and do some homework and can’t hang out with my friends or boyfriend. Another day I hang out with my friends or boyfriend and can’t fit in a work out class. Maybe I can’t fit in watching some TV shows since I am doing homework and seeing people.

Here is where I struggle:

I know I can’t fit everything in. I know it is okay not to be able to do it all. But I still beat myself up for it and feel like I am missing out. It returns to the constant vicious cycle in my brain where one side knows it’s okay; the other side fighting back still feeling upset about it. Maybe one day the sides of me will finally match up and I’ll feel okay about it. For now, I am just trying to switch off with things and fit in what I can.

I am starting to feel better about it already. When I allow myself to only fit in what I can, it makes me feel like I accomplished everything I wanted to for the day. The pressure eases off of me. If I say “Today I will finish my work, go to class, watch a show or two, go to bed.” If I do that, I’ll be less upset about not doing anything else because that’s all I can do that day and I am not stressing to try and squeeze in a million more things.

It may take me a while to feel better and better about it but setting small goals is a good first step I would say!

-Riley

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